THINGS DOGS MUST REMEMBER

[Emerson]

THINGS DOGS MUST REMEMBER

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am
about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead birds, seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will
think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the "perfect" place to poop.
I will not eat other animals' poop.
I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.

[jester]

;D ;D ;D ;D

[Emerson]

The Puppies Property Law

1. If I like it, it's Mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, It's Mine.
3. If I can take it away from you it's Mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's Mine.
5. If it's Mine, it must never even appear to be yours, in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are Mine.
7. If it looks like it could be mine, it's Mine
8. If I saw it first, it's Mine.
9. If you are playing with it and you put it down, it automatically becomes Mine.
10. If it gets broken and Mom gets mad, it's Yours, I never saw it.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[ymersion]

;D ;D ;D